Invite letting go of what no longer serves me...

Letting Go: An Act of Self-Care to Explore

Maybe letting go was soothing, or maybe you had difficulty letting go or felt nothing at all. All responses are good and valid.

In fact, the concept of letting go is similar, but the release occurs more on a mental level. Obviously, in the example, we know precisely where the hold is because we triggered it voluntarily. Yet, even in the case of a concern experienced at the level of ideas, it is inevitably experienced in the body as well. Tensions are linked to it, but we are often not aware of them because our mind only sees the mental concern. The mind can cling tightly to worry for all sorts of reasons.

Taking distance from our concerns is not necessarily a learning that has been part of our development, so it is normal not to have access to means to find that healthy distance that allows us to see the situation more clearly. Throughout our lives, we have developed mechanisms that have helped us manage difficult situations, however, these mechanisms aren't always helpful and appropriate. Letting go may seem counterintuitive because it can give the impression that we are losing control when we let go or even abandoning the subject. However, when we manage to 'let go' of a subject, beneficial effects can be felt.

Exploring This Subject More Deeply

We will dissect this very popular and perhaps somewhat distorted topic considering its overuse. A different way of conceptualizing letting go could be to consider it as a way of viewing life, that is, to cultivate the courage to accept what we have no control over. This means we are no longer struggling with past events or the behaviors of others, for example. By attempting to resist less on a subject, we find ourselves more available to position ourselves on what is most helpful in facing a situation that brings us a lot of tension. The directive to release is very simple but difficult to apply. Thus, the goal is not to wait for complete release, but simply to cultivate the intention to:

release as I can.

But where should I start?

Let's take, for example, the overwhelming presence of thoughts following a disagreement with a helper.

The first step in facing a situation that does not depend on us is to ask the question: Am I resisting this emotion or past situation?

After becoming aware that there is resistance to an unsatisfactory situation, it is interesting to ask the next question: Does this persistence/struggle help me get closer to what I want to become or help the person who is suffering?

This concept can be illustrated by imagining a person stuck in quicksand, the person's reflex would be to struggle to feel like they are in control, yet they only sink deeper. If we invite letting go, we try to stop the fight for a moment. We can decide to invest our energy in other activities in our lives.

When we are relaxed, we see more clearly and can enhance the quality of the response to this question: What can I do to change the situation, improve it, or disengage from it? We focus on one thing at a time to accomplish it well.

In the example presented, one could decide to let go of the expectation of convincing the other considering that we have no power over their perceptions, and the subject on which there is disagreement is not worth the persistence. It is important to focus on THE thing we can do and not on all possibilities, as we risk losing a lot of energy. Thus, we are called to resist the tendency to act quickly to relieve ourselves rapidly. Acting quickly can be truly necessary in a few situations, but it is far from essential in the majority of cases, which is why it is important to discern when it is possible to release the tension. When we act reactively, we don't see it clearly and expend an incredible amount of energy trying several things simultaneously.

How to Facilitate Letting Go When It's Difficult

It may be interesting to invest our energy in meaningful activities to take a break from the unsatisfying situation. We can try to explore where the contraction is felt in the body: a furrowed brow, tense shoulders, a clenched jaw. When we notice this tension, we can invite a release to soften it. Another way could be to imagine placing the concern in a bag that we can pick up later when we are more available.