An invitation to cultivate self-compassion

First, what is self-compassion?

Just as we define compassion, self-compassion is a feeling that leads us to perform an act of empathy, kindness, and benevolence … but directed towards ourselves rather than others! Self-compassion means asking yourself, in a difficult or unpleasant situation, what would I say to someone with whom I share an emotional bond to help them get through this moment?

The definition of self-compassion proposed by Kristin Neff, associate professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Texas, allows us to address the subject in all its complexity. She approaches self-compassion according to three aspects:

And how can we apply it?

1. By welcoming painful emotions when they arise:

Recognizing and accepting what is difficult does not mean resigning ourselves to it. On the contrary, simply acknowledging what is already there requires a lot of courage because we recognize what cannot be changed. This makes it easier to discern what we have the power to change. We find ourselves in a more clear-sighted position to make a free and informed choice about the situation in question.

Is it possible to live while acknowledging what is difficult for me?

2. By inviting pause when I feel stuck in discomfort:

Pausing allows us to break the cycles of automatism that make up our lives. For example, the infamous inner voice of self-judgment that starts up in our head without our wanting it. These self-directed talks can be filled with violent words and can negatively skew our perception of ourselves if we don't take the time to stop when they arise.

How can I facilitate a pause in my life right now?

3. By investigating with curiosity:

Offering yourself the same space that a friend gives when checking in on us. It can be interesting to explore the experience as if we were taking a walk with a flashlight inside ourselves. The flashlight represents our attention and allows us to illuminate the areas we wish to visit within.

How am I doing today?

4. By nurturing with care what is present:

It can be interesting to see difficult moments as opportunities to offer ourselves support. Taking care of oneself can come to life in many forms. For some people, it might be helpful to cultivate a compassionate voice towards oneself. This attention given to what is uncomfortable acts like a repairing balm that could be applied to a burn, for example.

Is it fair for me to invite gentleness when I feel wounded?

©Florence Rivest

If you have an interest in exploring these themes, feel free to contact us for access to individual support with a psychosocial worker who can assist with deeper exploration.