Cultivate self-awareness

When the pandemic arrived, a simple expression quickly became popular. On the surface, the famous "It'll be okay" seems friendly and reassuring, but it is a good example of how positivity can sometimes have potentially harmful effects. Of course, positivity is relevant for rekindling hope in difficult times. However, we have noticed that being constantly reminded "it'll be okay" can invalidate the host of negative feelings we experience, which are, after all, entirely legitimate given the context we are living in.

In fact, the intention behind a positive thought can be filled with goodwill and yet not have a positive effect. Here's why: an exclusively positive statement can immediately block a healthy exploration of emotions. As a result, an unrecognized emotion does not disappear; it may take on another form to try to reach our consciousness.

Obviously, the invitation is not to stop offering ourselves little positive words of encouragement but rather to try new dialogues with ourselves. These will fit into a perspective of self-compassion, a path toward recognizing one's own experience as it is. It is thus important to remember that it can sometimes be more relevant to embrace the nuances of emotions rather than exclusively positivity.

Opening up to the entire experience

Every human will encounter difficulties throughout their life. This statement can be perceived as comforting for some because we realize we are not alone in experiencing discomfort. Likewise, it can be confronting to realize that difficulties are an integral part of life. Following this realization, the invitation here is to cultivate an open and understanding mindset towards what we are experiencing. This vision is built by including the entire human experience, which does not exclude suffering.

When we try to fight against discomfort, negative emotions seem to cling to us and take up all the space. On the other hand, positive emotions slip through our fingers because we do not experience them fully. The suggestion is to perceive suffering as a wound that needs caring attention to heal, just as we tend to a sick child or a broken leg.

Some avenues for exploration

We invite you to explore the following question: how do you react to events? If you wish, we suggest trying to use terms capable of reflecting healthy empathy, a form of nuanced positivity that allows us to fully open up to the experiences we are going through by recognizing what is difficult. In doing so, you may discover new facets about yourself...

Adapted table from: https://tapage-front.mylittleparis.com/self-care/self-care-talk-cest-quoi-la-positivite-toxique