Ghislaine Lafleur, former caregiver for her spouse and member of GASO

Ghislaine is a former caregiver mourning her husband, who suffered from pulmonary fibrosis and whom she supported for 7 years. She describes herself as open-minded and artistic. These qualities also helped her in her career as a massage therapist, which she practiced for several years before the pandemic. This work allowed her to both give energy to her client and receive it in return during massage sessions. She describes the massage sessions with clients as a form of caregiving that is quite different from the caregiving she provided to her husband.

Ghislaine explains that although caregiving had been a part of her life for several years, it was truly when they announced to her husband that he had 1 year to live that she felt her caregiving role, which she describes as being like a soldier in combat, kicked into gear. She admits that her energy was crushed by this prognosis in addition to needing the support of her entourage and the CLSC, which was necessary, but it made her realize that her personal life came to a halt during those 6 months. However, she notes a strength that allowed her to move forward during this challenging year: practicing detachment, meaning being able to let the other person hold onto what is theirs. She implemented this mainly to counter the negative remarks her husband voiced about his illness, which was difficult for her not to absorb.

What she takes away from this caregiving experience is realizing the courage and strength she had to persevere through a situation with a recipient who showed little appreciation and had not provided positivity in their previous romantic relationship. This realization helped her during more difficult moments by reminding herself that she deserved to bring beauty into her life. Ghislaine states that the individual support at GASO greatly helped her understand and normalize the emotions she was experiencing, comprehend certain concepts that are part of the reality of caregivers, and grant herself permission to take time for herself.

Ghislaine's advice is this: ‘It is important not to forget yourself as a whole person’ and not to live in the shoes of the person who is ill.