How to better experience caregiving as a man?

Since traditional masculinity brings about its own set of challenges in the emotional lives of many men, we want to share some tips to help better navigate the caregiver relationship. That said, these tips can apply to any gender! :

• Have a good support network (it's not necessary to have a lot of trusted people; quality matters more)

• Make realistic to-do lists, as well as a list of people/resources to contact if needed

• Plan enjoyable times for yourself and with the person you're caring for (we encourage you to prioritize these moments, meaning they can only be canceled in the case of an emergency)

• Seek information about the illness/disability of the person you're caring for

• Try using a different logic:

Rational logic and relational logic: when to use them?

When we perceive life, different logics help us understand it so we can act appropriately according to the situation and need.

For example, if we need to schedule an appointment for the person being cared for, we will use rational logic. It is effective and predictable. This logic is often the most known and used by men.

Let's take a second example, which addresses a completely different need. The person being cared for expresses sadness about losing certain abilities. In this situation, rational logic is not suitable since the person is expressing an emotional situation. In this case, relational logic would be more appropriate. This logic is not based on performance and is not predictable.

To better represent these two logics, here is a diagram illustrating them using a line's path. In rational logic, the line is straight. It is easy to divide it into clear steps and expect a relatively precise outcome.

In relational logic, you can observe that the line features curves. This represents that when in this logic, both people need to adapt to each other and take nothing for granted. It can be seen as a dance between the two people. In this dance, there is no way to certainly predict the outcome. There are therefore more possibilities in this logic, because a conversation that worked well once does not guarantee it will happen again, as this logic considers the constant fluctuation of each person's states in interaction.

As mentioned earlier, it is often more challenging for men to operate within relational logic. Thus, it can be tempting to try to make the straight line (rational logic) fit into the curve (relational logic); in other words, to respond to a relational situation with rational logic. This situation risks causing confrontation, stubbornness, and conflict as represented in the diagram below.

We can note that it would be helpful to add flexibility to the lines to have a smoother and more pleasant relationship.