The five major components of emotional intelligence

There are 5 components of emotional intelligence, according to psychologist Daniel Goleman, which build upon each other and help better understand and manage one's emotions in a given context. In this article, we will adapt it to the context of caregiving.

1. Self-awareness

This component aims to make one aware and understand the thoughts, emotions, and feelings that are experienced in the present moment. We can also feel the intensity of our emotion, for example, and it makes us aware of the actions we will take to listen to them and the future consequences that will follow. It also aims to filter the harmful comments we may receive and allows us to reflect and not react to the provocation the comment may have brought us.

Example: You are having a meal with good friends who ask how your caregiving situation is going. After some self-reflection, you decide to talk to them about your exhaustion, great fatigue, and deep sadness in seeing your loved one lose so much autonomy so quickly. One of your friends immediately asks, "When are you going to place them?" This question brings great frustration within you, and you feel provoked by it because you haven't explored possible housing options yet. After welcoming and reflecting on your frustration within yourself, you remember that your friend has never been a caregiver and isn't an expert on the situation. You then simply reply that you are not at that point yet and change the subject.

2. Motivation

Motivation can be seen as the engine of interest that brings the will to understand, hear, or master an emotion that inhabits us. It often aims for a goal.

Example: You constantly feel anger towards the constant repetitions from your loved one. However, you want your relationship with your loved one to be different and not have to coexist with the feelings of anger and impatience. You then decide to engage in a process with a counselor to find tips to help you manage it.

3. Self-regulation

Self-regulation allows mastery of the emotions that inhabit us, which enables us to adapt them to the environment where they arise. It is possible to learn to manage certain emotions just as it is possible to learn to experience a more intense emotion with the help of mental images that can be associated with the experienced emotion.

Example to manage a current emotion: You are taking care of your loved one whom you need to take to a doctor's appointment. They take forever to get dressed and ready, and you feel you will have to rush not to be late. You feel a surge of anger that tempts you to tell your dependent to hurry up, that they are taking too much time and always making you late. However, in your stride, you stop and go outside to contemplate the nice weather. You take a few breaths that reduce your anger.

Example that can amplify a current emotion: You are grieving your loved one and feel a deep sadness still present at the pit of your stomach. You are in the process of clearing out your cared-for person's things and suddenly find something that reminds you of a memory with your loved one, and tears start flowing down your cheeks on their own.

4. Empathy

Empathy is a quality that allows us to put ourselves in someone else's shoes and understand the emotions and feelings they are experiencing, without actually experiencing them with them (which is known as sympathy).

Example: You see your loved one trying to eat their bowl of cereal in various ways other than with a spoon and feel a strong emotion making you realize how difficult it must be for them with their illness to be able to do as they used to and use a spoon.

5. Social skills

Social skills allow us to interact harmoniously with others, regardless of the context, while accepting differences and understanding them. Self-mastery and empathy can facilitate social skills.

Example: You are participating for the first time in a support group. A person next to you talks about a situation with their partner that you also experience with your loved one, and it helps you understand what they might be going through. In return, you share with them how you experienced something similar with your loved one and provide the solution you implemented to help with the situation, and they thank you warmly for your support.