Assert yourself using non-violent communication

How can we learn to use assertiveness in our daily lives while overcoming fears that presenting our opinion-emotion-thoughts may be poorly received, judged, or rejected? It's partly to guide you through this learning process that GASO offers you ways to assert yourself through non-violent communication. This communication approach promotes the creation of a safe and respectful environment, facilitating assertiveness.

First of all, what is assertiveness?

Assertiveness is a topic that is not always easy to understand or break down. Although we strive for greater assertiveness, several challenges and fears may arise. First, we offer you a simple and clear definition to demystify these acts of assertion:

When we talk about assertiveness, we mean being able to share our emotions, thoughts, and opinions and to defend our rights honestly and respectfully.

From the outset, it is important to dissociate assertiveness from a confrontational act. On the contrary, it can help us communicate our emotions, thoughts, and rights better to others while respecting ourselves and others. Indeed, when we assert ourselves, we are often authentic towards ourselves and thus able to clearly express an emotion we are experiencing without targeting or offending the person who receives our message.

By learning to assert ourselves, we also allow ourselves to know ourselves better and understand our actions and reactions in different situations. This better self-awareness is essential to anticipate our reactions and emotions when similar situations arise. For example, by becoming aware of my values and beliefs, I can more easily identify why certain emotions emerge in contexts that shake them.

Non-violent communication: an approach to mobilize to communicate better

To support the exploration of the theme of assertiveness, we wish to propose the Non-Violent Communication (NVC) approach. We can think of it as a pair of glasses that we put on to observe a phenomenon, indicating the forms it can take. Thus, when a difficult situation arises, NVC proposes 4 fundamental steps before acting on it. The goal is not to change the other but to achieve better communication. [1]

1. Observation:

We are invited to simply look at the facts, observing as if we were a camera. In this idea, we do not note our judgments or interpretations. This pause helps avoid impulsive reactions.

Example: A meeting was scheduled for 6:30 PM. The other person arrives at 6:45 PM and I arrive at 6:30 PM.

2. Feeling:

We can ask ourselves the question: what am I feeling right now? What does this situation awaken in me? These questions differ from judgments because they come from one's own feelings.

Example: This situation made me feel anxious and slightly angry.

3. Need:

Next, it is proposed to question oneself: What unmet need corresponds to the identified emotion? As we have seen in the theme of emotions, each emotion is linked to a met or unmet need. At this stage, we identify what belongs to us in the situation.

Example: These emotions speak to me about the need to respect the agreed meeting time.

4. Request:

The last step is to communicate a request. This comes after this introspective reflection. Often, the request is made prematurely, before being able to identify our need. Thus, there is a greater risk that it will be ineffective.

Example: I was worried when I was waiting for you for our meeting. I realize that it's important to me to respect the agreed time. Would it be possible to pay attention to this next time or possibly let me know if there is an unforeseen event?

[1] https://donnezdusens.fr/les-4-etapes-de-la-communication-non-violente-fiche-methode/