Grief: A Process of Oscillations

The dominant model of grief presents it as a series of stages with a predefined direction and an ultimate goal to be reached. However, this model suggests that grief is experienced the same way by all humans and that there is only one way to navigate through grief. Yet, there are as many ways to experience grief as there are people on earth!

Another model, the Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement, suggests that grief is more of an oscillating process. Like a roller coaster, grief is experienced with ups and downs. According to this model, a grieving person moves between two poles to resolve their grief: loss orientation and restoration orientation. In the early stages of grief, the bereaved person tends to orient towards the loss, but both types of orientations are necessary for adjusting to grief.

The oscillation process means that the grieving person sometimes adopts behaviors to avoid grief, and sometimes remembers the deceased. At times, they confront the loss alone by avoiding daily activities. They might mourn the loss of the loved one, reflect on the meaning of the relationship, seek out the deceased, talk about them, look at photos, think about them, etc. At other times, they distract themselves by surrounding themselves with loved ones, forgetting painful memories, or thinking about something else. They might read, sleep, listen to music that doesn't remind them of the deceased, etc. They use strategies like adapting to daily life without the deceased and acquiring new skills related to tasks the latter used to perform. Focusing on these activities is beneficial for the bereaved person because they allow the development of new skills, to build a new identity, invest in new roles, establish new relationships, and better adjust to the environment without the deceased. Indeed, changing one's mind or entertaining oneself helps avoid constant contact with sadness and loneliness, which aids a grieving person in adjusting to their grief.

Some strategies for experiencing grief

The grieving process involves rediscovering bearings after losing a part of our identity: the caregiver role. Thus, each former caregiver must reinvest in other areas of their life. In this journey, everyone may realize they are not only caregivers, despite their significant involvement in this role. To cope with the loss, which can be very painful, we suggest some strategies that might accompany you:

• Do not minimize your emotional reactions: it's normal to need time to adapt, each at their own pace

• Give yourself the right to confide in a trusted person about how you are experiencing this period

• Try to stay active by taking short walks outside

• Gradually resume activities that bring you well-being

• Promote a bedtime routine to ensure a good night's sleep

• Allow yourself to feel joy

• Try to be gentle with yourself, it's not necessary to harshly judge your way of grieving: you are doing your best

• Turn to your creative potential by expressing yourself through art or writing