Managing Your Anger: Where to Start?

How to manage anger in various daily situations with my loved one, especially when they are not in control of situations that make me angry or simply cannot understand it when I experience it.

Here are some examples of situations that can trigger anger and a few ways to at least alleviate it.

• Example 1 : My loved one constantly repeats the same things to me and asks the same questions.

• Example 2 : My loved one is slow in their tasks and often forgets certain things, which means we are often late for our appointments outside.

• Example 3 : My loved one holds me accountable for all their mistakes.

• Example 4 : My loved one is hospitalized and the staff around does not address my questions and does not inform me about what will happen next in terms of medication or care they will administer.

• Example 5 : Those around me do not understand my actions towards my loved one and believe that I never do the right thing, either doing too much or not enough.

Do you perhaps see yourself in one or several of these situations? You might experience them repeatedly in the same day. There are several techniques to regain control over the anger you might be feeling.

1. Remove yourself from the situation to a safe place where you can regain calm: being able to calm down before returning and acting in the given situation can help you avoid 'flying off the handle' and view the situation from a different perspective. This may allow you to remember that your emotion is valid, but your loved one is not in control to act otherwise in their actions or words towards you.

2. Distract yourself : Go for a walk, count up to ten in your head, take deep breaths, listen to music… There are many good ways to distract yourself from the anger a particular situation may cause, to better reflect on what you want to say or do afterward.

3. Inject humor into the situation : Finding the ridiculous in a given situation can help dissipate the anger you felt at the moment. Sometimes it’s better to laugh rather than explode to defuse the situation, if applicable.

4. Relax using meditation or centering techniques: notice the elements around you according to your five senses (things you see around you, sounds you hear, smells you sense, what you touch if applicable, and the taste in your mouth)

5. Practice assertiveness : Being able to express your opinions well can allow you to be a better master of what you want to say or do during situations that might trigger anger.

When a situation arises and you react with anger, revisit the situation afterward and reflect on what you could have said or done differently by breaking down the before, during, and after, so that if it recurs in the future, you can have a picture of how you would like the situation to unfold. In this way, you will have more control over your emotions in situations that cause you anger and, as a result, will experience less remorse or guilt over the long term. Choose the means that best suit you in your helping relationship to manage your anger and remember to always reevaluate if they are still suitable when new losses occur with the person you are helping.